Nom, you packed so much into this post and through it all I was shaking my head in agreement and in empathy. Recognizing these patterns in hesitancy is so helpful, and recognizing how we broke free with more ease than we ever thought possible. I have not skied since the pandemic and I am in total hesitancy mode, but it’s like riding your bike, right?!
And the phone as gap filler too… Thanks so much for your openness and sharing which makes up think and ponder and realize what is it to be human. And thanks for the beauty you fill us with through words and photos. It’s a delight to read you!
Big thanks Anne-Marie. I just try to follow a thread as I puzzle through the way my days unfold. I have the luxury right now of time to pay attention and not too many responsibilities. So I'm trying to figure out what feels true or clear day by day.
What a post Naomi! Again you got me thinking about so many emotions I’ve been experiencing of late. I returned from Mexico and kept thinking about how much I miss telling my late mother about my travels, or even what happened yesterday. And so much more. Sending big hugs to you and Paul.
Nom, I had tears streaming down my face as I read this. It’s so raw, so tender, and written with such care. The way you described staying present — not reaching, not numbing — felt incredibly brave. Thank you for trusting us with something so intimate ❤️
Naomi. I think you have never been hear before, without famille, that was grounding you in a way that let you navigate with certainty. This can get very micro level, like feeling lost or panicked after watching a movie during which you were so immersed you released your moorings only to be confused and anxious when it ends. Often that feeling is psychological, sometimes physical. It’s not at all unusual to have confidence disassociation that makes you anxious about doing something you really haven’t done in a long time. What you’re describing sounds very normal to me. Regardless of your age or physical condition, which might be playing a roll, you don’t have a plan. Or at least it mine that involves structured commitments because you can’t or won’t do that know. Walking the snow ragged streets of New York is a nightmare right now. Older and younger people try to leap or clink over snow piles surrounded by icy water. Even the more agile ones are falling or getting stuck visualizing how to get around. Some give up and walk back. Others freeze, panicked. You’re describing how I feel every time I’ve ever been to Florida. There is no such thing as still air or still memories that freeze like breezes. Just oppression heat and humidity that somehow paralyzes. But you did overcome, non? You are reestablishing or adjusting your compass, psychologically, redefining your starting point. You can’t use the same bearings you’ve used before because they’re gone. You’re describing a reaction that people have when moved to a new home or treatment community. Or staying in their homes with a new geography. You have no control of memories or the feeling that you forget something or are in some way failing to do something. I hope physically you don’t have to add navigating new uncertainties as well. But I think you need to establish a planned routine, something you’ve previously stated you can’t do. One that includes non-optional things you will do every day. I think the less phone thing is a great idea, and not getting lured into the hole of attention and doom scrolling is important. But physically responding is key. It’s endorphin mediated, a form of triage we use to survive. Do something. Make commitments. After you rebuild you can tear down the scaffolding - we’re back to the one year period again - because you won’t need it. Might be a little more complicated because you are a traveler and home ands self were defined differently, but defining something now will allow you to deal with what you can’t control or know right now. You’re blessed to not have to navigate through this alone. And are able to not do this all in your head. I suggest committing to writing a letter a day and dispatching it. Planning to put a small piece of artwork in there may also be fun. Wherever you are that’s the plan. That’s what you have to do. Anchor your nonlinear journey.
I think you're right about creating patterns or routines to stabilise things... Most of us do that in some way, to anchor ourselves. It's an unconscious process for some as well as, for many people, deliberate.
I am pleased right now to be exploring, for only another week, a situation where I have no set structure or obligations. It's a tabula rasa that is very interesting. New territory.
Hi Margie. It's language, as I understand it. Stupa is the sanskryword, and Sanskrit is the language of the texts if Mahayana Buddhism. Chedi is the Pali word. Pali is the language of the texts of Theraveda or Hinayana Buddhism. The Buddhism of Thailand, Burma, Laos, and Cambodia, as well as Sri Lanka, is Theraveda.
Thank you, Naomi. I’m just beginning my explorations of Asia and am discovering it is even more fascinating (and confusing!) than I expected. Each thing I learn creates more questions.
Thank-you. That feels right to me. But I am happy to not be trying to do too much. Pausing, reflecting, etc are valuable. And then at intervals I'm taking on tasks that need focus. Even small tasks like pen and ink drawing make me focus and come together.
Nom, you packed so much into this post and through it all I was shaking my head in agreement and in empathy. Recognizing these patterns in hesitancy is so helpful, and recognizing how we broke free with more ease than we ever thought possible. I have not skied since the pandemic and I am in total hesitancy mode, but it’s like riding your bike, right?!
And the phone as gap filler too… Thanks so much for your openness and sharing which makes up think and ponder and realize what is it to be human. And thanks for the beauty you fill us with through words and photos. It’s a delight to read you!
Big thanks Anne-Marie. I just try to follow a thread as I puzzle through the way my days unfold. I have the luxury right now of time to pay attention and not too many responsibilities. So I'm trying to figure out what feels true or clear day by day.
What a post Naomi! Again you got me thinking about so many emotions I’ve been experiencing of late. I returned from Mexico and kept thinking about how much I miss telling my late mother about my travels, or even what happened yesterday. And so much more. Sending big hugs to you and Paul.
Exactly: that immediate absence of the listening ear and human understanding...
Nom, I had tears streaming down my face as I read this. It’s so raw, so tender, and written with such care. The way you described staying present — not reaching, not numbing — felt incredibly brave. Thank you for trusting us with something so intimate ❤️
Dear Shayma, thank-you. It's so good to be able to write about these things here.
Naomi. I think you have never been hear before, without famille, that was grounding you in a way that let you navigate with certainty. This can get very micro level, like feeling lost or panicked after watching a movie during which you were so immersed you released your moorings only to be confused and anxious when it ends. Often that feeling is psychological, sometimes physical. It’s not at all unusual to have confidence disassociation that makes you anxious about doing something you really haven’t done in a long time. What you’re describing sounds very normal to me. Regardless of your age or physical condition, which might be playing a roll, you don’t have a plan. Or at least it mine that involves structured commitments because you can’t or won’t do that know. Walking the snow ragged streets of New York is a nightmare right now. Older and younger people try to leap or clink over snow piles surrounded by icy water. Even the more agile ones are falling or getting stuck visualizing how to get around. Some give up and walk back. Others freeze, panicked. You’re describing how I feel every time I’ve ever been to Florida. There is no such thing as still air or still memories that freeze like breezes. Just oppression heat and humidity that somehow paralyzes. But you did overcome, non? You are reestablishing or adjusting your compass, psychologically, redefining your starting point. You can’t use the same bearings you’ve used before because they’re gone. You’re describing a reaction that people have when moved to a new home or treatment community. Or staying in their homes with a new geography. You have no control of memories or the feeling that you forget something or are in some way failing to do something. I hope physically you don’t have to add navigating new uncertainties as well. But I think you need to establish a planned routine, something you’ve previously stated you can’t do. One that includes non-optional things you will do every day. I think the less phone thing is a great idea, and not getting lured into the hole of attention and doom scrolling is important. But physically responding is key. It’s endorphin mediated, a form of triage we use to survive. Do something. Make commitments. After you rebuild you can tear down the scaffolding - we’re back to the one year period again - because you won’t need it. Might be a little more complicated because you are a traveler and home ands self were defined differently, but defining something now will allow you to deal with what you can’t control or know right now. You’re blessed to not have to navigate through this alone. And are able to not do this all in your head. I suggest committing to writing a letter a day and dispatching it. Planning to put a small piece of artwork in there may also be fun. Wherever you are that’s the plan. That’s what you have to do. Anchor your nonlinear journey.
I think you're right about creating patterns or routines to stabilise things... Most of us do that in some way, to anchor ourselves. It's an unconscious process for some as well as, for many people, deliberate.
I am pleased right now to be exploring, for only another week, a situation where I have no set structure or obligations. It's a tabula rasa that is very interesting. New territory.
What is the difference between a chedi and a stupa? Is the usage tied to the region?
Hi Margie. It's language, as I understand it. Stupa is the sanskryword, and Sanskrit is the language of the texts if Mahayana Buddhism. Chedi is the Pali word. Pali is the language of the texts of Theraveda or Hinayana Buddhism. The Buddhism of Thailand, Burma, Laos, and Cambodia, as well as Sri Lanka, is Theraveda.
Thank you, Naomi. I’m just beginning my explorations of Asia and am discovering it is even more fascinating (and confusing!) than I expected. Each thing I learn creates more questions.
Thank-you. That feels right to me. But I am happy to not be trying to do too much. Pausing, reflecting, etc are valuable. And then at intervals I'm taking on tasks that need focus. Even small tasks like pen and ink drawing make me focus and come together.
Thank-you.